is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Randomize
