Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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