I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
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