I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
