Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
There r osticjed everywhere
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize