you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
