I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize