I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
