Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
bring money and cleavage
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
