I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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