that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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