I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
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