It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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