I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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