I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
