I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize