3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
