Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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