I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
