He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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