and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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