Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
