My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
