Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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