I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
