tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
