never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
