Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Green mimosas i think yes
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
