OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
