When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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