In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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