TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
