It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
