We won't sleep together?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize
