Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
