"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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