I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
