exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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