I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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