She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
if only i could text you this smell
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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