no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
