I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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