he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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