I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
