I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
