At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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