Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
