Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
