yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
