Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize