Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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