Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
meet me or not, i'm out of control
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
