I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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