that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
