this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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