If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The best revenge is premature balding
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
