if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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