So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
