you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
