end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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