My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
