that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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