When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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