yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
