you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
accomplished twins. life is a go
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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