Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
